Friday, December 18, 2009

Our official response to the Robb Wolf situation

It's no secret that Dallas and I are Robb Wolf students and followers, and I've been asked many times to personally comment on the Robb Wolf de-affiliation. There's no reason to add fuel to the fire over here, which is why I've voiced my personal opinions in private. I will say, however, that it's a shame for all of us that the CrossFit community has lost two of its most valuable, educated and accomplished coaches. It's also a shame that we, as a group, have spent so much time following the drama - time that could have been spent training, coaching, mentoring and learning.

However, Dallas and I felt that as a registered CrossFit Affiliate, we needed take a formal position on recent events. We decided that Dallas would act as our official CrossFit Whole9 spokesperson, and issued a statement in response to Robb's de-affiliation announcement.

______________________________________



Dallas Hartwig
Posted December 16, 2009 at 7:12 am | Permalink

Robb,

You and Nicki have been good to us, and we appreciate that. We have and will continue to be vocal supporters of your training methods, professional conduct, and (science-based!) nutritional practices. You’d be proud – I ate ~4000 calories of good, clean, Paleo food between 7PM and bedtime last night. Greg’s programming is making me HUNGRY.


Posted December 16, 2009 at 8:07 am | Permalink

Dallas!
How the hell did you do that!? Give us a break down on the damage.

Thanks for the support WTW.


Posted December 16, 2009 at 12:40 pm | Permalink

Robb,

Here’s the breakdown from last night’s madness:

Post-workout Meal 1 (around 7:30): 6 egg whites, 1 whole egg, 2 medium-large sweet potatoes.

Meal 2 (half an hour later): 10 oz local, organic, grass-fed sirloin steak (rare, of course!), 12 oz broccolini, 4 oz almonds, 1 pear.

Meal 2.5 (dessert from Meal 2, really): 1 can (14 oz) coconut milk, 3 oz walnuts, 1/2 cup frozen blueberries, 1/2 cup frozen raspberries.

Meal 3 (about 90 minutes after 2.5): the second 10 oz sirloin steak I grilled for Meal 2, 2 Jazz apples with about half a jar of Sunbutter, and about 1.5 cups of sweet potato mash.

Meal 4: 5 hard-boiled eggs, 6 oz fresh blackberries, a big handful of brazil nuts.

Meal 5: 8 oz smoked salmon, half a honeydew melon (a DELICIOUS combination, BTW), and some sauteed zucchini/onions with fresh basil and lime juice.

“Meal” 6: an unrevealed (but very large) amount of Purely Decadent Mint Chip coconut milk “ice cream”. This stuff is CRACK. Be warned. Melissa introduced me to their Chocolate Explosion flavour, and we’ve been spreading the Decadent Love ever since.

And… I woke up RAVENOUS this morning.

Be well, my friend.


Posted December 16, 2009 at 1:17 pm | Permalink

dude…you are a MACHINE!! All hail The Dallas!!



Renee
Posted December 16, 2009 at 7:41 pm | Permalink

@Dallas: Try Coconut Bliss’ “Mint Galactica” next time. I prefer theirs to Purely Decadent.

Posted December 17, 2009 at 6:15 am | Permalink

@Renee,
I’ll try the Coconut Bliss, if for no other reason than they make a dessert with the word “Galactica” in the name. That’s just over-the-top enough to get my attention. Though, if it’s any better than the Purely Decadent, I might be in trouble. Thanks for the recommendation.

Robb, have you noticed how I’ve ever-so-subtly distracted folks from the un-fun discussion of HQ politics by talking about frozen desserts?


Robb Wolf
Posted December 17, 2009 at 6:31 am | Permalink

Yea dude, and they made haste in your direction. I nominate you for the next cult leader. This one will be based around ice cream.

I’m in.


Jesse
Posted December 17, 2009 at 9:19 am | Permalink

Ice cream cult? Brilliant! I’ve even got the Catechism right here!

We begin our profession of faith by saying: “I believe” or “We believe”. Before expounding the Church’s faith, as confessed in the Cream, celebrated in the Ice and lived in observance of Ice Cream’s commandments and in prayer, we must first ask what “to believe” means. Faith is man’s response to Ice Cream, which reveals itself and gives itself to man, at the same time bringing man a superabundant light as he searches for the ultimate meaning of his life of creaminess.

(I could go on, but I wouldn’t want any roman catholics out there to hate me too much)


Posted December 17, 2009 at 10:17 am | Permalink

Robb, let me say in this public forum that my Coconut Cult will learn to quantify their frozen desserts in a very precise manner. Or else. You still in?


Posted December 17, 2009 at 1:24 pm | Permalink

dude, it’s ICE CREAM. So long as I can weigh and measure by the litre I’m in. No smaller increments however.


Posted December 17, 2009 at 9:12 am |

I hereby decree that members of my Coconut Cult (”CocoNutties” – thanks Melissa) will quantify their frozen dessert ONLY by the litre. (Robb, I like the way you think.) If you are unable to commit your Dessert Soul to this worthy cause, you will be excommunicated and will bear the title of Dessert Infidel forever more. Jesse, apparently you instilled some potent (read: dangerous) religious fervor in me. Ha.

______________________________________


And therein lies our official position on recent events. What have we learned from this unfortunate situation? Dallas eats A LOT. Robb likes ice cream. Anything with "Galactica" in the title is probably delicious. And I am good at coming up with clever names for made-up entities like Dallas' new Coconut Cult. I hope you agree that this has truly been time well spent.

Author's Note: I'd like to add that, while Dallas' coconut dessert choice isn't technically "Paleo"... we also don't care. Sure, it's processed and includes some emulsifiers... but as a dessert choice, and as a dairy-free, gluten-free substitute for "real" ice cream, Turtle Mountain's "Purely Decadent" line is a winner all around. I recommend the Mint Chip, which gives Breyer's a serious run for its money. The ingredients are below - Grok may not have eaten it, but WE sure as heck will.

INGREDIENTS: ORGANIC COCONUT MILK, ORGANIC AGAVE SYRUP, CHOCOLATE FLAKE (BEET SUGAR, COCONUT OIL, COCOA PROCESSED WITH ALKALI, CHOCOLATE LIQUOR, SOYA LECITHIN, VANILLA), CHICORY ROOT EXTRACT, CAROB BEAN GUM, GUAR GUM, MINT FLAVOR.

24 comments:

Robb Wolf said...

On Ice Cream, the whole world can agree.

I'm feeling a little emotional...someone HOLD me!!

Amy Kubal, MS, RD, LN said...

My two favorite men = Ben & Jerry...

Dallas said...

Robb, maybe your emotional lability is because you've already exceeded your DED (Daily Espresso Dose) See http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18378115. Ha. (I write this with a cup of black French roast in my hand...)

Melissa 'Melicious' Joulwan said...

I aspire to one day eat 4000 calories in a five-hour period AND loudly crow about it.

I just need to... what?... Grow a foot taller, learn to jump on stuff that looks insurmountable, and regularly lift things that weigh as much as a Volkswagen.

How hard could that be?

:-)

Oh, Dallas... I'm doing my 12 Days of Christmas Workout tomorrow and I'm dedicating it to you. HA!

Thor! said...

So lets see... Ice Cream? Check. BSG? Check (wathing it now as we speak!!!). 4000 calories? Thats a meal. Lifting heavy shit? Definitely check (Squats, Presses, and DLs tonight). Well damn, now were talking. This is a cult I can be a part of. Now that other crap, Ill leave that BS at the door.

Dallas said...

Mel, I'm honored you're dedicating your Christmas workout to me - as long as you subbed out the burpee box jumps in favour of BW DLs! ;) Let us know how it goes for you. I think I've talked Melissa into doing it on Christmas Day. Really.

Justin! We'd be honored to have you as a Cult Member. Mostly because I'd be afraid you'd tear me in half with your bare hands if I said no ;) How are things in the Big Apple?

Melissa 'Melicious' Joulwan said...

Dallas, I'm doing my 12 Days of CrossFit Christmas workout in my yard... and there will be no BW DLs. BURPEE BOX JUMPS for CHRISTMAS!!!

But I promise to do BW DLs on Monday morning. 5X5. Also dedicated to you.

Melissa Urban said...

We have a seriously all-star Cult here. I vote that every Friday, we worship the French Toast Casserole, and that our uniforms include arm warmers. For the ladies. And Struck, of course. (Where is he? Our Cult is not complete without Struck...)

Angel said...

If I could stick my hand through my computer screen and grab that container of Purely Decadent coconut milk mint chip ice cream, I surely would. I can’t resist it. It is insanely delicious.

Dallas said...

Ha ha. I am very amused by the "For the ladies. And Struck, of course." comment. Maybe I'm just jealous. Of how good he looks in arm warmers. (If nothing else, Struck, I've still got my AssFit shirt, and you don't.)

Mel, I'll accept your Deadlift Penance for your Burpee Sins ;) Take pics of your workout for us! (We prefer costumes for holiday-themed workouts, BTW.)

Melissa 'Melicious' Joulwan said...

Costume? Photos? You're speakin' my language... stay tuned.

Becky said...

Wow, so many of my favorite people, all right here! Melissa and Dallas, I miss you SO much. Please come back soon! :) Amy, you come back too! Your visit was way too short! Robb, I will meet you at your place on Jan. 30th. I cannot wait!

Renee said...

As far as official positions go, I think this is the best one I've seen to date.

Also, I will continue to plug Coconut Bliss. :D

Jason Struck, RKC said...

Moderator!

OFF TOPIC!

:)

Jason Struck, RKC said...

Also; I will not join any cult without a T Shirt. A plethora of T Shirts.

And they need to reasonably sized.

The one you gave me two weeks ago is comically small/obscenely tight.

Jesse Richards said...

Hrm... so... since I apparently inspire Dallas, and he is the prophet of the CocoNutties... does that mean I could worm my way into an discipleship? I could totally preach the faith and spread it to countries beyond! All hail Dallas and get your communion cups and get filled with the power of the Nutty Awesomeness!

Thor! said...

Big Apple is ok, except for all this damn snow!!! Im still a FL boy no longer how long Ive been here now.. Cult is on!!! Leslie actually whipping up a French Toast Caserole now for Xmas! May give it to Bauer if he earns it but he needs to be 200lbs by new years!

Gant Grimes said...

That Paleorotic man-love was a statement? How about F Couch and F HQ for putting their own ego before affiliate well-being.

Dallas, come down to Texas (weird), and we'll get you up to 265 or so.

Steve said...

Well said Gant.

Dallas said...

Gant, are you jealous of the man-love?... (I was mostly just trying to talk about something else besides Glassman's psych status and/or Robb's lack of experience/knowledge. Ice cream proved to be a very effective diversion technique.)

And... if I'm ever 265#, the Apocalypse has already come and gone.

Steve said...

Dallas and Melissa I have been big fans of yours but I must say IMHO your public Support of Robb and Greg has been a little weak.

Maybe you are afraid of being banned like Robb and Greg were or you think Robb and Greg earned their punishment or some other reason your support hasn't been more vocal. Maybe you have Robb and Greg's back in private and maybe you don't. Again from your
Official Response to the Robb Wolf Situation, I have no idea. Does anyone?

And yes Melissa I e-mailed you about the Robb Situation, but I never received a reply, thus this posting. Also, I do not want to take you to a place you are not willing to go, but I felt I needed to make this posting.

Jason Struck, RKC said...

'needed to make this posting'

?

Dallas, Melissa, the day I need to make a comment chastising someone on their blog for not being public enough is the day the apocalypse slides into denouement.

By the way, I will race you to 265. Fuck broad time and modal domains, I wanna get swoll!

Melissa Urban said...

Steve,

We don't have to bash CrossFit to show support for Robb... nor do we have to excommunicate Robb to remain a CrossFit affiliate. Our conversations with Robb have been private. Dallas and I have been having our own behind-the-scenes conversations with CrossFit HQ. And I am seriously not interested in airing any of that dirty laundry here.

Melissa

Steve said...

As I said before I do not want to take you someplace you do not want to go, so I will say I hear you and respect your answer even if I can't agree with it. This will be the last time I will ever bring this topic up at your place.

I hope you and Dallas have a Great New Years.