(A) Last year, I was a slutty German beer wench. Two years ago, I was a slutty Malice in Wonderland. And three years ago, I was a slutty mechanic. "Dick's Pump 'n Go." Don't even ASK about the graphic I designed for the back of my coveralls.
This year, I'm going slutty-but-covered. Long sleeves, long pants. Our party is held in a barn, and I'm all set with freezing my butt off (literally) for the third year in a row. This greatly disappoints my husband, who wanted me to go as Leeloo Dallas from the Fifth Element. Which means my costume would consist of one pair of white underwear and several strips of strategically placed Johnson & Johnson cloth athletic tape. Isn't my husband supposed to DISCOURAGE me from leaving the house looking like a zombie hooker from the future?
(B) Every guy I know - no exceptions - has at one time dressed in drag for Halloween (or some other compelling occasion). My boyfriend Gary was a cheerleader. My friend Nate was a roller derby girl. Patrick was spring a break co-ed. And my favorite was when Jeff dressed as Princess Diana, complete with steering wheel around the neck. Yes, he's going to hell for that one. So stop fighting it, boys, and break out your fishnets. You know you want to.
(C) CrossFitters are more guilty of this than any other group, I think. We LOVE being half-naked. We'll strip at any opportunity. Met-con workout? Strip. Posing for a training picture? Strip. Cleaning a 45# bag of dog food at Petco? Strip. (I'm not welcome at that Petco any more.) But please, think about whether you really want to go as Leonidis from The 300. Yes, I'm talking to you, my friend Mark. Because the flash on my camera is very unforgiving, and you cannot stand at a 45 degree angle next to the blacklight flexing your abs for eight hours straight.
My Halloween pictures to follow after the weekend. What are you going as? Or maybe you're too cool to dress up for Halloween.
4 people drop some props (leave a comment here):
LMAO. Your blog is a great counter-point to the shit I usually post: gloom, doom and why the fuck is this so fucking hard! whine, analyze, moan, resolve, break resolution, rinse, repeat. YOU ARE BRILLIANT nd I'd kill for those abs. I absolutely concur on the slut costumes and CrossFitters stripping at the drop of a hat (guilty).
HA! Now that you point it out, I don't think I've had a Halloween costume that wouldn't fit inside a Ziplock sandwich size bag in a long time. Matter of fact, I'm dressed up as slutty wonder woman AT THIS VERY MOMENT. :-) I'm going to be Marilyn Monroe, and my boyfriend is going to be Joe DiMaggio. The theme for my hallween bash is "dead celebrities"
I want pictures, Jennifer. PICTURES.
http://photos-h.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-snc1/v272/9/47/1341046999/n1341046999_30061447_9149.jpg
There ya go....that's how Bill and I went to work today. :-) STOP LOOKING AT MY SPANKIES!
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